Politically Correct Rudolph


Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, David)


Original text is followed by the "politically correct" translation.

Original:       Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ...
Translation:    Rudolf was a four-hooved ungulate,

Original:       Had a very shiny nose ...
Translation:    Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage 
                of a maroon lustre.

Original:       And if you ever saw him ...
Translation:    Consequently, if circumstances were to present 
                themselves that he ever came into your view,

Original:       You would even say it glows ...
Translation:    You would most  undoubtedly remark at to its 
                illuminary qualities.

Original:       All of the other reindeer ...
Translation:    The multitude of other members of  the population 
                in his ecological community,

Original:       Used to laugh and call him names ...
Translation:    Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, 
                and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms -- 
                the objective of which was to lower 
                his self-esteen and make him miserable.

Original:       They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games ...
Translation:    They also excluded him from participation in leisure 
                activities consistent with their species.
 
Original:       Then one foggy Christmas eve ...
Translation:    However, on the twenty-fourth of  December in an 
                unspecified year,

Original:       Santa came to say ...
Translation:    A mythological, supernatural being inherent to 
                western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas 
                attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children) 
                arrived through the supersaturated, humid air.

Original:       Rudolph, with your nose so bright ...
Translation:    He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary 
                nasal characteristic,

Original:       Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Translation:    To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle 
                with the express purpose that he navigate through 
                the nocturnal mist.

Original:       Then all the reindeer loved him ...
Translation:    At that point, the multitude of other  members 
                of the population in his ecological community 
                who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, 
                and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed 
                their disposition toward  Rudolph to a more 
                congenial, amicable relationship.

Original:       And they shouted out with glee ...
Translation:    They consequently exclaimed with great 
                exaltation and fervor,

Original:       Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ...
Translation:    Rudolph, the antlered mammal with  a maroon 
                nasal appendage,

Original:       You'll go down in history!
Translation:    You shall most certainly be recorded in the 
                annals of time and your memory will be preserved 
                for posterity!


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